Crippling Craziness
January 21, 2017
I completely lost my mind Tuesday.
I haven't been sleeping very well the last couple of months, but I just chalked that up to my usual problems with such. I often stay up a bit late, after all, and I have to get up around four in the morning for work. I tend to iron that out over the weekend, mind you, and can always go to bed earlier if I'm exhausted, but still. Usually that's not enough to cause any undue issues. Aside from drowsiness, anyway.
But when I was getting ready to head to work on Tuesday, something was amiss. I kept finding myself obsessing over really stupid things. I kept worrying that one or more of the doors wasn't locked, and I was filled with panic about this, so much so that I had to race back home to check them. And when they turned out to be fine, and I left for work again, I had the same panic about the oven being left on. And so on.
This went on for what, an hour? By this time, I was already late for work, and I just could not shake this. Sure, I'm a bit neurotic, but this was beyond the pale, even for me. I don't recall having an overriding compulsion like this to keep checking and rechecking things like that. Much less the actual, physical fear response that punched me in the chest when I didn't immediately cave in to it.
So I blew off work, even though I know I shouldn't have, and somehow got a bit more sleep that morning. When I woke up, I felt better, but... apparently I wasn't. I double and triple checked everything before calling it a night, and then again before I left for work on Wednesday, and then again on Thursday, and that seemed to be sufficient. But after work, I noticed I was having... people problems.
I had to pick up some supplies at our local Rural King ™ and Kroger ™ stores. Silly stuff, really. I required horse bedding for Crawford's terlet, as well as some soda. At each store, I had an, um, extreme reaction whenever anyone was behind me. Not a panic attack, but... what I can best describe as aggression. I was ready to punch each of those fuckers in the face for 'following' me.
I managed to get home without incident, though I'm really not sure how, and wrapped up my work week without killing anyone - quite the accomplishment, considering the rare form the teabaggers at work have been in this week. You know, the inauguration of President Putin, and all that. But I have been concerned each time I have to leave the house that I'm going to do something bad. Or melt down some other way.
My personal belief was that this was caused by an extreme dearth of sleep, combined with a new medication I've been taking to supposedly help with my migraines. But then I did some research into Nortriptyline, which is what my doctor prescribed as a first step, and as it turns out the medication is probably what is causing my seemingly resurgent insomnia. And, uh, possibly everything else, too.
As indicated by drugs dot com: Report any new or worsening symptoms to your doctor, such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself. Sounds about right, aside from the suicidal tendencies.
Which is just dandy. I haven't had any serious mental issues since I almost died from blood poisoning back in 2008, so this all hit me from out of left field. On the other hand, once I'm out of the current dose of this stuff I've got, I need my doctor's approval for more. Which I think I will tell him not bother with, in order to keep me from being a danger to myself. Or to anyone else, for that matter.
But at least I know it's just the drugs.