I used to think Iowans couldn't drive. Then I moved to Dayton.
January 13th, 2016
Snow.
According to those content-stealing hacks at Wikipedia, 'snow' is precipitation in the form of flakes of crystalline water ice that falls from clouds. * In other words, when water condenses into ice way, way up high in the sky, gravity inevitably takes its toll on the material, and it slowly drifts back down to the surface. This is a phenomenon that many people on earth are quite familiar with.
If you live somewhere on the planet that sees its temperature fall below the freezing point of water, you will inevitably, invariably experience snowfall, and can exult in the making of snowmen and snowballs, as well as the use of snow shovels and snow blowers to get your vehicle out of its sudden, icy tomb. It will, in fact, happen every single year at some point, whether you want it to or not.
Thus, you can imagine my disdain when foolish humans lose the ability to even minimally function on a given year's first snowfall. It's like someone snuck up on them with a brain wiper and erased that knowledge from their minds, ensuring that they cause massive headaches for those of us who actually do have a functioning memory, and can handle an inch of snow accumulating on the ground.
Hailing from Omaha, Nebraska, I grew up having to deal with copious amounts of snow. Where I now live, in vicinity of Dayton, Ohio, the climate is slightly different, not consisting of open plains and farm land quite so much. But it still snows here, and yet you would think the sky was falling when it does, because the majority of the populace completely loses its mind whenever it happens. Each time it happens.
Maybe it's something in the water?
* Yes, I stole this sentence from their entry on snow. Because screw you, Wikipedia editors who keep swiping text from my nerd site.