You may feel a little pressure...
December 2, 2008
So today was my final check-up at the urologist. I essentially had to wake up early in order to head down to his office, walk past all the shambling old people that have similar ailments (and of course make me feel all kinds of better about suffering from this in the first place), and then get led back into the Examination Room. I had an idea what was coming but still... it gives one the dread.
Sure enough, they tried to make me pee. And though I've been getting over my general 'performance anxiety' in regards to this since I started having this fucking problem with my dick since I was nineteen, I simply couldn't. I even drank two twenty ounce bottles of water to force the issue but one side effect of these years of suck is I now have a bladder of motherfucking steel.
I can go 8 or so hours without having to go half the time. Until of course, I get home from the doctor's office and suddenly I'm a goddamn piss faucet for three hours. But I digress. So I couldn't pee on cue, so they said fine, whatever, we'll check the hard way. I panicked at this, remembering the last time they decided to probe my innards and the blood that ensued, but they used some sort of urine sonar device.
Which I found highly amusing. So the doc then asked how I'm doing and I describe the general horror I've felt the last month, since my sack is ultra-sensitive and has been since day one. Of course they sliced it open like an orange and did things in there to the tubing below, but that's not the point. The point is it's hard to go a month without anything touching your bag.
'Cause you know, things like underwear have a tendency to do just that. But, knowing I've been in pain again, he decided to Inspect The Goods, which meant Getting Up On The Table and Dropping My Pants For The World To See. Now, normally this also wouldn't bother me, but the idea in general is that you want someone fondling your balls and taint to be someone you want to be fondling your balls and taint.
And I like Doctor Lim, don't get me wrong, but not like that. So he says everything 'looks remarkably clean (exclamation)', and proclaims all is good with the world if I'm peeing fine, and I am. And the piss sonar device verified that since my bladder was empty. So he gave me a pass and said come back in six months, though the joke's on him. I may not be in this half of the country in six months.
But anyway. I took a picture of the bed for my own general amusement. 'Cause I had a feeling that no matter what I was going to end up on it, pants around my knees, legs spread and over my head and of course being poked in the taint by a guy wearing rubber gloves and sounding optimistic. And sure enough... guess what happened. Luckily I didn't take a 'during the crime' photo, you'd probably go blind in terror.
So I left, and made my way home, but wound up going to Bronco's for breakfast again, 'cause hey... it was on the way home and wasn't serving breakfast. Which rules at 9 AM when you really want a motherfucking cheese burger and nobody is serving anything except goddamn egg McMuffins ™ ... mmm Bronco's. But on the way between there and home... I saw it again. The fucking billboard of doom.
This thing, you see, I tried to take a picture of, but the arctic air that was biting my fingers last time foiled me. So I gave it another go today, and since the weather was brisk but not 'instantly numbing to the fingers trying to steady that camera', I captured the horrible fucking thing for all your glory. Now, call me crazy but isn't flag-worshiping what we call idolatry?
I read that fucking Bible when I was a kid and I'm pretty sure the space Jesus was never described as having fucking stripes. This is almost as irritating as the billboards that I see where some jesus freak marketing turd thinks its amusing to make up things that 'God' is 'saying' to 'you'. Which you know, seems to be some other kind of sin... you know, putting words in your God's mouth?
But then I guess we're talking about shit-ticks that can use their 'faith' to justify 'raping children in the ass', so I suppose I really shouldn't be surprised about this sort of bullshit any more. You'd think I'd be jaded to the point of sheer indifference by now... or that I would've gone on a killing spree targeting televangelists and all the fuckwits stupid enough to send them money.
On a different note, I seem to have Found Something. I was digging through some older files on another site of mine (I know, I know, I'm an unfaithful web master), and I found a part of my original ranty site, the Great Satan. This was a rant I made a looong time ago that I wrote way back in 2003 of all things. I put it in the archive so you can find it on the bottom - it is the oldest post there, after all.