The urethoplastic horror.

October 19, 2008

So I am not dead. I know I got right back to you all after the last surgery but I've been a bit more out of sorts with this one. This one being a urethroplasty, the sixth operation on my dick which is a lot more drastic than the last five, which were apparently just dilations of my urethra to keep it open. This one is intended to clear out everything all in one swoop. And how, you ask?

Well the idea is they cut into me at my taint and slice open the urethra, hacking out the tissue that has grown shut. Then, they graft good tissue onto it and sew it all back together, knit me up, ram a catheter into me and let me sob and heal for three weeks. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Of course, they had to keep fucking with me before-hand. Like the stupid nurse the day before, oh boy.

They'd called me in the day before to do some tests on my pee, and I was like ok, as much as you think you'll get. And then decided since it wasn't coming out (the whole fucking reason I was there) they'd have to try and catheter me to get it open. To which I said Hello, this is why I am here, don't you people read the memo? I have tried this my fucking self and fucking failed. I know.

But the psychotic nurse would not relent, and so I settled down for her to find out what I knew she would find. I explained it is GROWN SHUT, and that it's not going to work and it's going to get stuck in side me. So she says she'll push till it stops and then stop. So imagine my surprise when I feel it bottom out in my urethra that she pushes. Hard. And keeps at it, until I have to jump off the damn table.

So I'm cussing and being unhappy because she lied, and naturally she'd done some serious damage and I was bleeding all fucking night. And the next day, until the surgery proper. And I complained to the doctor and he was like 'I'm so sorry blahblah'. So I have to fucking wonder if these assholes even talk to themselves, since every time I speak to them now I get different answers to the same questions.

Like the one doc says he needs to leave the tube in me for 3 weeks and the one I talked to yesterday tried to take it out right there. And when I got fucked with the camera by that guy he said it would only be one week when the other doctor told me it'd be three. And then this. It makes me wonder (and I've been told this) if I should sue the lot of them for malpractice and / or humiliation and suffering.

Marduk knows I could use some cash for my horror.

So now I'm a week out from Operation day and I'm better. I am not in extreme pain any more but I feel like I've been kicked in the nuts nine times. So it's more 'sore' than anything else. Though that's not counting the lip. My lip is in awful shape, since that's where they culled the 'graft' from. Ever had a canker sore? Imagine one three inches square and that's what I had once they got done with it.

That giant white sore has faded for the most part, leaving me with strange 'hamburger lip' where they took all the tissue. It's lumpy and icky and what have you but that also doens't hurt quite so much. Though I still make liberal use of a numbing agent I stole from the hospital when they released me. I don't know if I was supposed to but I did... and it works wonders. So I can drug myself up as necessary.

Which is leading me to sleeping a lot. I slept... 18 hours or so last night; and am already tired again. It's amazing how readily I pass out here, what with the drugs and inactivity and drugs and frustration about lack of motion and drugs. Did I mention the drugs? I think I'm honestly tired of the drugs, let me tell you, and I'll be stopping those as soon as the main 'pain' I feel finally fades off.

It's sort of an intermittent pain, the pain I have. I am mostly sore, as described above, but I get random ... pulses of sheer staggering horror-pain. Like someone is scraping broken glass on the inside of my tubes. All the way up and down. I'd have stopped the pain pills by now if not for that but I get that with just enough frequency that I'm not about to give up my preciouses just yet. Ho no.

So until I stop feeling that for the most part I'll continue to be all fucked up and 'meh' and surly and what have you, but really, how much different does that make me than normal? Hard for me to tell I suppose, but I guess we'll see once all is said and done. Who knows, perhaps I'll be a more pleasant person to be around once I have this horrible tube out of me again. Or perhaps not.

I'm not one to believe in 'miracles' after all. I've never been big on the Inexplicable Space Boogeyman Helped Meh bandwagon, as you may have inferred from some of my past ramblings. And naturally have little respect for people who wait for that when they could be helping themselves, so no, not waiting on Space Hippie to make me a happy person again. But once this tether is out I'll be happier at least. Heh.

firebomb@obnoxiousjerk.com