The TSA loves yoo.
July 24, 2009
Yesterday, whilst lambasting Republican fuckwits as I read increasingly stupid shit about them on the news, I promised pictures - and I intend to deliver! Well actually, since you're reading this right now, what I intend is irrelevant, since I seem to have already delivered. How do you like them apples, huh? So basically, what I'm doing here is showing you some oddball pictures for fun.
The first here, I took this while driving around in Miamisburg, and got honked at as a result. If you can't make out what the billboard in question is for, it says it is for a Breast Evaluation Center. Now, the assumption here is that this is for breast cancer or somesuch, but it doesn't say anything about cancer on the billboard at all. It just shows a really happy lady there.
So I'm thinking hey, why don't I open up something like that and post a similar billboard? I mean, it's not like I'm saying I'm going to give you any medically sound information as a result of your boob-o-gram. Much less that I'm a medically certified boob-ologist. But really, if I can just get a few people into my fly by night mall store to pay me to feel up their breastseses, then the whole effort is worth it.
This one occurred to me on the way to my weekly fix for the comics. You see, since I'm writing stories for the Examiner.com in the theoretical hope that they'll theoretically give me money some day, I've got to keep buying comics to review. I wasn't going to keep buying the things, considering I'm on the low end of a tight money crunch, but since I could get paid for it... I have to keep going back.
I can quit any time I want. Really. So yeah, I'm headed to the comic book store that I pimped up in my Examiner.com article, Fearless Readers (shameless plug for me and them), and I saw this trash can. This required a double take, so I did in fact take double. For some reason, these ya-hoos decided to say STAY OUT of their trash cans. And they were so serious about it that they used really big letters.
I didn't realize that camping out in trash cans was such a serious problem in Dayton. I know the economy is shit, which is apparently the fault of the party currently in power, even though they didn't launch a bullshit war with a several trillion dollar tab just to get payback on some schmuck who couldn't lead his way out of a paper bag. Even though the other party did that, I guess it's my fault.
Stupid cock holes. If you were remotely watching my Twitter spasming today, you'd see why I keep going on about those shit birds. I simply can't stand a hypocrite. It's not that these assholes are fucking anything that moving, it's that they are constantly pretending that they're so goddamn morally superior to you and me while they do so that really gets my goat. Here's just one example of their cockmongery.
Oh wait, here's another. Apparently this fucking moron thinks that people will buy that a liberal conspiracy is trying to silence him, by twisting his fucking arm into sending racist e mails to all his jerkoff bigot buddies. No, it clearly wasn't his own stupidity that caused him to send this mail, it totally had to be the 'liberal' media that reached into his mind and made him send that shit.
What's horrible is that I would like to be an actual conservative. You know, spend your money responsibly, keep the government out of my shit. But that's not what the Republican party represents. It is owned by jesus toastie fuckwits who are dead set on a) demonstrating that GOD HIMSELF chose them to rule the world, and b) telling everyone how to behave - while not having to abide by their own fucking rules.
In order to get fiscal conservatives into office, you have to vote for a Democrat. Yes, seriously. While Democrats will tax you happily, at least they believe in paying for what they want, unlike the Republican style of running up trillion dollar deficits. The Fox people like to call them 'tax and spend' Democrats, but at least they're not 'spend and spend' Republicans. Stupid retards.
If you can't even balance your check book, how can you lecture me on fiscal responsibility? If you can't stop yourself from sucking dick in an airport bathroom, how can you lecture me on having immoral sex? If you feel the need to fuck outside your fucking marriage, don't even fucking think about lecturing me about motherfucking family values. If you represent 'family values', I'm afraid I'll have to pass. Stupid shit heads.
So you find yourself asking, what does my ranting have to do with this third picture here? Why, nothing of course! How'd you like that segue? Not quite a Segway but hey, I'm writing for free here. Suck it. Anyway, this picture here, it's one I took while I was sitting in the O'Hare airport, in zip code 50666, waiting for my plane to take me back home to Dayton. It was late, so at least I didn't have to run to it this time.
I thought something weird was going on, so I took a picture of this wee red head girl here, only to have my suspicions guaranteed moments later. I looked away and looked back, and suddenly a dog manifested in her carry-on bag. I guess she decided that she had to bring it with her, and really didn't want to tell anyone. Like the baggage handlers. I wonder what they thought when they ran that one through the X-ray machine.
Did they find themselves thinking, 'hey, this lady's got a dead dog in her bag?' Or perhaps 'why are there bones and shit in her bag?' I dunno, were I an at least semi-coherent security person, I think I would take exception to the whole 'bones showing up in the X-ray of your bag' thing. And maybe check her out to make sure it's not like her dead grandmother or something in there. You never really know these days.
Of course, considering how the TSA actually is, it's probably a good thing that they weren't looking at the monitor at that particular minute. She'd likely have been given a full body cavity search. By ten of those TSA motherfuckers. With their cocks instead of their hands. Because that's what happens when you have an incompetent bureaucracy running a bunch of entitled incompetents who shouldn't have any authority to begin with.
Much less work to guarantee the safety of thousands and thousands of people every day.
I'm a motherfucking ray of motherfucking sunshine, aren't I?
Also: that last picture demonstrates a perfect product. At least it would be, if it didn't cost so goddamn much.
In case you were wondering.